Scribe Report

Staffield Country Resort

June 2012

A total of 17 showed up at Staffield which included two guests – Phillipe Hammon and either V. J. Chan or Vincent Vijayan or Vincent Chan or ?????.  I never did get that properly sorted.  Karl Muir was reportedly hoping to be there but it appears duty called and he had to maintain the appearance of work.  We have it from reliable unknown sources that it had nothing to do with being lost or having a non-operating and/or overly complicated GPS.

Staffield is a very good golf course that is always well maintained.  They have remodeled the serving area at a minimum expense to members and, of course, had two tables arranged for our lunch.

Unfortunately the food was a bit late in arriving after a firm reminder from member and V.P. John Preston.  It consisted of rice (which was OK), noodles (ordinary) and deep fried chicken parts.

While most of our esteemed members were on the practice tee, putting green or in the pro shop trying to find something magical to cure a slice/hook, the course was being given it’s final trimming before our assault as Money Bags continued to squeeze anyone in the vicinity.

It then became known that there was a potential “situation” brewing.  It appears Somebody Veryimportant had called the day before and arranged a competition.  KLOGS management went to war with Staffield management but we were sorely out numbered.

After some fierce negotiating it was agreed KLOGS would start before Somebody Veryimportant’s competition.  However, it was to be a Mini-Shotgun Start – whatever the Hades that is.  Flight No. 1 proceeded to the 3^rd hole, Flights 2 and 3 proceeded to the 2^nd hole and Flight 4 and 5 started from the 1^st hole.  As it turns, there was no problem with the other competition.  We did not see them all day and they disappeared from Staffield at the conclusion of their game.  This was a good thing – they looked like a very hungry and thirsty mob.  They had already made a major drain on the available Caddies.  Flight 5 was unable to capture a Caddie for the day.  However, Flight 1 was able to commence their game with two Caddies due to the shrewd militaristic action of Rick Brown by booking a particular well endowed Caddie the day before.

The game commenced with Andrew Robinson slamming a power drive down Fairway No. 1 and Raymond Keys bird-watching down Fairway No. 1.

It was an interesting round with Klaus and Bernie Schubert being the stars of the day.  Klaus shot a gross 93 and net 66 with 42 points.  Bernie shot a gross 82 (with a sensational 38 of the 2^nd nine) and net 67 with 41 points.   Well done to both !!!!!  Richard Rodwell was in the running for 1^st or 2^nd place but when you 3 putts at few times ……. well, it’s tough.

COTD was an interesting.  Requests were made for the appointed Captain of each flight to make an offering or suggestion.

Flight 1:            John Preston for three putting from 4 feet and losing three skins in the process.

Flight 2:            Mike Smith for being able to reach 1^st Hole on the Western in 2 shots and proceed to miss sufficient putts to only score a par.

Flight 3:            All good friends and no nominations until someone remembered the entire flight could not follow directions to their 1^st tee in the mini shotgun start whatever in the hell that is.  It appears they blasted past the 2^nd hole and were proceeding to the 3^rd hole until stopped by a Marshall.  They were instructed to return to the 2^nd hole for their starting position which immediately resulted in mild mannered Barry Cousins calling the honorable , and trying to be helpful, Marshall a Kunt – whatever in the hell that is.

Flight 4:            Robert Frager for hitting his 3 or Tree Wood into the trees five times on one hole.  Must be a record for KLOGS.

Flight 5:            These handsome lads found the Cunt of the Day.  As they approached the 17^th they noticed Andrew Robinson and Robert Frager in the drop zone on this deadly Par 3.  Both hit their balls directly into the water again and proceeded to stay in their buggy having maxed out on the hole.  Bernie assumed Raymond Keys had done the same or was just looking around in the bush for some place convenient to urinate.  Bernie slams a 7 iron onto the back of the green of 17^th and out of the bushes rushes a rather irritated Raymond Keys various threats to our entire group.  Needless to say Glen and I ran for cover and Bernie very respectfully acknowledged his error.  Raymond pulls the flag from the hole and is beginning his first of three putts.  Meanwhile, Bernhard Romahan has pulled a 6 iron out and is about to start his downswing while Raymond is on his 2^nd of 3 putts (flag is out).  Only a diving tackle at the knees by Glen prevented Bernhard from completed his swing and ruining the possibility of a 4 putt by Raymond.  Bernhard was a clear COTD for attempting to hit into Raymond for the 2^nd time on one hole.

In conclusion, I would like to add that KLOGS should not be taken as a place for whining and whinging.  We are there to play golf as it is should be played and for a good time.  Life is not perfect and neither is KLOGS Management.  But each goes on and we have to make the best of it.  Let’s try to enjoy it a bit more and not so many complaints.  Please.

I now give you: