After a very smooth departure and arrival in Bangkok the tour group boarded their 44 seat ‘disco’ coach for the trip to Chonburi Province, 1.5 hours south of Suvarnabhumi Airport.

Once we arrived close to our destination, it was quickly noted that the 44 seat coach was a little wide and a little high to navigate the narrow laneways and low overhanging wires. The driver did manage to get us almost there due to some quick witted individuals with a spanner to rotate the Stop Sign, allowing the driver to get us about 250 metres closer.

After a pretty seamless check-in at our hotel for the week, the lads caught up with previous friends, imports and comedic relief for the week: Brian Jeffers, Colm O’Donovan, Frank MacKenzie, Peter Kenyon, Ron McClung and John Lee.

No golf until Tuesday so the boys headed out in different directions to survey the lie of the land and later meet up at the Bodega Bar for refreshments, further instructions and strategy planning.

DAY 2. The Monthly Game

Up bright and early for breakfast (and surprisingly ‘no bacon’) before making our way down the road to the bus parked some 500 metres away. For one group headed by Ricardo, who ‘shouted follow me, I know the way’, promptly got lost. After a tour of the nearby suburbs, we eventually made it. Surprisingly hot given the short distance. No worries though, an ice-cold Baileys awaits on the coach.

Then it was off to the Phoenix Golf and Country Club for the KLOGS November monthly game.

Tee off was the usual tomfoolery and mayhem with our five groups of four venturing out in single buggies with our own caddies.

Following the game it was up to the terrace for some much needed amber ale (for some) and food to line our tummies for the rest of the day. Frank MacKenzie kicked off as the Fines Master with his fines noted for the day.

• Colm – for ordering from the menu when all food had been pre-ordered. 500 Baht
• Pietro – “today is just practice. I want to protect my handicap” WTF! 500 Baht
• Iain Wise – AKA President of Vice – heard to say on the second hole “I try to visualise the hole as a fanny……” and then missed the putt. 500 Baht
• Andrew R – for training his caddy to call Brian an ‘old fat Cunt’! 500 Baht
• Iain (again) – for stepping out his NTP without using the tape measure. 500 Baht

Not a bad start Frank!

To the more important results of the day. These did take some time to eventually decide on because it was noted by El Pres that 80% of the scorecards submitted were ‘abysmal’ (his words). Four fines of 100 Baht were levied against the worst offenders.

Last Birdie –

Iain Wise – hole 18

Lowest Gross –

Geoff McLaws (Jega had that stitched up but he had won the NTP)

NTP’s

Hole 5 – Paul Geddes 3.2m

Hole 7 – Peter Dabrowski 12.2m

Hole 13 – Ron McClung 8.2m

Hole 17 – Muniandy Ramamirtham (thankfully to this scribe, to be referred to as ‘Jega’) 3.76m

Stableford results:

3^rd place – Josef Winter 91/37

2^nd place – Pietro Martucci 95/37

1^st place – Bernhard Romahn 80/38

COTD nominations.

• President of Vice – Iain Wise “I’ve left the trophies at the f*%#ing hotel”
• Pietro for taking the wrong golf set from the baggage carousel leaving Peter Dabrowski wondering if his set had even arrived. (who then had to negotiate with security to let him take out Pietro’s set)
• Josef for thinking that 3.3 lengths of the tape measured ‘3.3 metres’.

Pietro was unanimously voted COTD.

Iain – Last Birdie                     Geoff – Lowest Gross              Paul – NTP Hole 5

Peter D – NTP Hole 7              Ron – NTP Hole 13                  Jega – NTP Hole 17

Josef – 3^rd                                Pietro – 2^nd                              Bernard – 1^st

COTD – Pietro

DAY 3. First round of the Tour Competition Siam Country Club Old Course

The 1^st day of the two day competition took place on a super track, one of four 18 hole courses at this lovely golf club. The Old Course, Plantation, Waterside and Rolling Hills courses are all served by their own clubhouses.

Playing the Old Course, five flights teed off on a very warm morning, ensuring many a beverage was consumed on course.

Around the 14^th hole for some, the heavens opened up in a spectacular downpour and lightning show, that flooded most of the lower areas of the fairways creating far more water hazards than our group could manage. After a delay of an hour and a half, we returned to the course and witnessed a remarkable recovery to a ‘barely’ playable golf course with a  few new ponds in place.

At 5.50pm we kicked off a speedy presentation after a well-rounded meal.

NTP’s –

Hole 4 – Colm O’Donovan 7.75m

Hole 12 – Bernard Romahn 5.38m

Individual Winner on the Day – Geoff McLaws 80/36. (wining a club shirt)

As this is a two day competition, the results of the days play, and the horse and jockey positions will be revealed following day 2.

COTD

• Josef nominated Ricardo for thinking he’d won NTP on Hole 14 when it was Hole 12.
• Bernard nominated himself, in his own humorous way, because he liked the cup!

Ricardo was the COTD today.

Ladies Tee box fines totalled 3500 Baht from the following offenders today:

• Colm O’Donovan 500
• Alan Wright 500
• Peter Kenyon 1000
• Andrew Robinson 500
• Brian Jeffers 500
• Dave Evans 500

We arrived back at the hotel after 7.30 but not too late to sample the local fare nearby.

Colm – NTP Hole 4                  Bernard – NTP Hole 12           Geoff – Individual 80/36

DAY 4. Second round of the Tour Competition Siam Country Club Old Course

Once again, the morning started off very warm, made more so by the various states of health the players were in. The Baileys on the bus was quite welcome after a hard nights ‘sleep’.

We all teed off on time and everything was going reasonable well, for some, until the last group got to the 16^th hole. The rains came again and another deluge ensued but not nearly for as long. The President called a halt to the game after 16 holes, rightfully assuming that we were in for another 1 – 2 hour delay and that we had the tour dinner that night at 7.30pm.

By the time we had returned to the club house, however, the rain had all but stopped, but the call had been made.

Results of the 2 day competition.

NTP’s

Due to the shortening of the round to 16 holes, there was only the one hole where the prize was awarded. As we had started from the 10^th hole today, the 8^th hole didn’t make it into the equation, so two prizes were awarded for Hole 16.

Hole 16. Colm O’Donovan 7.13m

Hole 16. Paul Geddes 6.3m

Individual Winners:

1^st Place (after a little bit of confusion by El Pres!) Josef Winter with a total of 69 points over the two days.

2^nd Place – Jega with 68 points (after already chugging down an ice cold when El President announced him as the winner)

3^rd Place – Geoff with 66 points.

Horse and Jockey

In 16^th place – Horse and Jockey team of Stan and Andrew. 4000 Baht prize each.

In 1^st place – Horse and Jockey team of Josef and Iain. 6000 Baht prized each.

The new award of ‘Nippy Sweetie’ was announced by El Pres and was won by Pietro who happily received his packet of Iron Brew Pastilles.

COTD

• Brian for Peter Kenyon giving his caddy lots of encouragement about his game. Then hits the ball and the caddy says “he’s an embarrassment!”
• Ricardo for Josef saying he’d had a bogey on 18 before being told it was a par 5, and thus, he’d had a Par.
• Alan Wright for Stan illegally taking drops in the rough and when told, argued about it and then threw a club at him.
• Stan was nominated twice – this time for ungentlemanly conduct.
• Iain for leaving his locker key in his golf bag, already on the bus, and having to go back for it.
• Paul for cocking up the scores.

Two COTD awards were presented with Stan being awarded Baldy COTD and Iain Awarded COTD for his forgetfulness.

Then it was back to the hotel to prepare for the Tour dinner on the seafront. That’s another story.

Colm – NTP Hole 16                Paul – NTP Hole 16                 Geoff – 3^rd place individual

Jega – Err NO! 2^nd place          Josef – 1^st Place Individual      16^th Place Horse and Jockey

Horse and Jockey winners      Who carried who?                  Inaugural Nippy Sweetie

DAY 5 – Scramble.

Day 5 of our tour took us to Burapha Golf Club for the fourth game, a somewhat different experience to Siam Country Club but a great track, nonetheless.

The scramble day commenced with five teams as follows:

Team 1. Jega Pietro Peter D Dave

Team 2. Ricardo Ted Colm Peter K

Team 3. Paul Josef Stan Frank

Team 4. Geoff Ron Iain Allan

Team 5. Bernard Bernie Brian Jon Lee

The format of the day was that each player must have four drives from the tee box. Whoever’s shot was selected up to the green, was not permitted to play the next shot. Once on the green all players are able to putt.

However, the heavens opened up again and after a long period of regrouping at the drinks hut or wherever you ended up when the downpour started, El Pres called an end to the game after 16 holes.

We retired to the terrace for a late lunch and more refreshments before El Pres began the presentations.

Allan Wright was announced as the golfer with the most golf on tour.

He didn’t forget our visitors either and applauded their efforts to come on our tour, especially with both Brian Jeffers and Peter Kenyon having travelled all the way from the UK.

This tour saw the introduction of Best Gross Golfer overall which was won by Jega – Lovely whiskey flask presented.

Winners (losers) from 5^th to 1^st of the teams scramble event.

5^th – Team 4 with a total gross of 67.

4^th – Team 1 with a total gross of 65.

3^rd – Team 3 with a total gross of 64.

Team 2 and Team 5 both returned total gross of 63.

2^nd – Team 5

1^st –  Team 4 (on countback)

After prizes were awarded for the above, we came to the COTT award.

COTD.

• Brian nominated all of Team 4 for ‘being slow’.
• Iain for saying ‘we came last and I picked the fucking teams’.
• Iain for walking toward the hotel glass auto doors but instead walked into solid glass.
• Brian for a monumental and disgusting fart on the tee box – ‘being long winded’.
• Bernard for thinking he could hit a 220 metre second shot to the green.

Once again Iain picked up the trophy and beers and chugged a second one down in recognition of his win.

COTT Nominations:

• El Pres – Paul
• Stan
• Ricardo, and
• Iain

Iain was unanimously awarded this dubious award due to continued forgetfulness and also because had the most nominations on tour.

However, after a mutiny lead by some overseas visitors and perhaps pre-arranged by Pres of Vice the vote was overturned, unanimously, and re-awarded to El Pres for completely cocking up the winner on the previous day!

Prizes for the final day            Our UK visitors                        Best Gross overall – Jega

5^th Scramble Team 4               4^th Scramble Team 1               3^rd Scramble Team 3

2^nd Scramble Team 5              1^st in the Scramble Team 2

COTD (and COTT) Iain             COTT overturned – Paul

After the presentations, it was back to the hotel on a very merry bus with Karaoke provided by El Pres. Problem was, no one knew the Scottish ditties he was trotting out. The last of the Baileys was also consumed on this very, very enjoyable trip.

1, 2 and 3 down. Great Trip.

Always a word for our sponsors who help make this all possible.

• Siggy for continuing to supply the KLOGS logo golf balls, and
• Ricardo for his contribution to our liver issues and the great wine he brings.