Scribe Report
August 15th, 2012
Palm Garden Golf Course
A total of 21 showed up on a rather hazy day. It appears Sumartra is on fire again and the Chinamen of Kiasuland are whimpering and complaining such that they remind one of some KLOGers. It appeared rain would appear at any moment to quench the haze, soften the greens and cool down the hotplayers. Alas, it was not to be.
A total of 21 players were in residence for the game. This included guests Neil Davis, who had not been seen in 4 to 5 years due to a problem with the Thailand prison authorities; Jeff “Long Hitting” Pearce and our own Tony Morris, a well known **** but more on that later.
Palm Garden is an excellent course designed by none other than our own local Ted Parslow. It is also being properly maintained and was in excellent condition. It is only 5780 meters long from the Blue Tees with a Slope Rating of 128. However, it does require proper placement of your shots. This became obvious to several as the game proceeded from the Blue Tees and the strokes accumulated.
Management had expected 20 players so when 21 showed up, it required the emergency action plan to be put in place. The most significant being the last two 3-Ball groups being assigned to the 10th hole. I was assigned to be playing in the next to the last group with John Arkinstal and Jeff Pearce – but notoriously long ball hitters. They quickly decided the male (and very sweet) Caddie would ride in my cart. I definitely heard the mumbles of “that stupid American can only hit a drive about 200 meters. Let’s go now. Otherwise he will hold us up”. And other such degrading remarks. Tsk, tsk.
However, we were regulated to be the last group due partially to a very fast buggy than Glen Wombwell (driver) and Richard Rodwell (designated shotgun) had stolen. They were on a mission, had control of the tee box and were not going to relent it to the likes of two long hitters and one non-long hitter. That was fine with us. Let’s begin the game.
After some significant investigative work, I learned of the reason Richard was so anxious to get the game going. He had a new club. It was one of those 3 Iron Recovery R11s ® things. He had it in his sweaty hands on the 1st tee box and had never hit it before. This was going to be good. A couple of practice swings then a glare at the magic stick as if it had done something wrong. A couple of more practice swings. This was going to be real good. Well …. As it turns out it was good. His 1st one was slightly to the left but definitely in good position. He and the new Magic Wand would continue throughout the day fighting the dragon known as Palm Garden trying to bring it down to its knees. As it turns out, he did bring the dragon down its knees or at least as close as any KLOGer could. He fired a blistering 81 with six birdies. For you that are mathematically impaired, that would be one birder for each 3rd hole. He never used the driver all day. Only that damned 3 Iron R11s®. He also let one birdie get away from five feet. The man is obviously dangerous with the new club. Management has scheduled an Extraordinary Meeting to review his handicap.
Well done Richard!!!! We are proud of you. (Rick and I will have one by next week).
For others who cannot place the ball quite so well – it was often a struggle. What comes to mind is Hole No. 13 – a Par 5 that is only 471 meters long but has a lateral water hazard all the way to the green on the left. John Arkinstal hit his drive over the lateral water hazard into the adjacent fairway. He is a long hitter. He proceeded to play the entire hole in the wrong fairway and only lost two balls into the water. Jeff Pearce and myself (with the sweet Caddie) decided to play on the correct fairway. Unfortunately we had difficulty finding the fairway and each sacrificed two golf balls to lateral water hazards. The result was six good golf balls into the water and three 9’s on the scorecard. Grrrrr…. However, we were not alone. El Prez returned to the Clubhouse with only four balls left in his bag. For myself – well after nine holes I had to send the Sweet Caddie to the Clubhouse to buy more balls. Needless to say he not only wanted a little gratuity but also the change. Grrrr….
After the battle we retired to the restaurant of Palm Gardens where we washed the dust from our throats with cold Nectar of the Gods and some vino. This was followed by fish & chips and more beer. It was at this point when Moneybags Andrews instructed me to be careful with the wine to avoid excessive corkage charges. This brought forth a …… shall we say a pregnant moment.
Please understand that when Moneybags went on holiday he passed me the eight remaining bottles of wine in stock. Rather than leave it in my carriage, I moved into the house. A few days later my Little Unmentionable told me she was going to a “girlie outing” and needed a bottle of wine. I told her to take one out of stock. Needless to say she took one of KLOGS bottles of wine. I did reimburse KLOGS for this premium bottle of wine I never tasted. However, the pregnant moment came when Moneybags instructed me to be careful to with the wine. I must have gotten one of those looks on my face as I stood and said nothing for a tense moment. El Pres, being of high intellect began laughing and said “He forgot to bring the wine !!!!” I confirmed. I thought Moneybags was going to have a heart attack. Mostly I was afraid I would have to administer mouth to mouth to him. Eventually it passed and I received no more than a nomination for the evening – no beating with a wet noodle this time (but don’t let it happen again).
Other nominations for COTD:
- Klause nominated Bernie for hitting John Preston. (Seems reasonable to me).
- Jocko nominated John Preston for an 18 meter dropped ball.
- Karl nominated Jimmy for getting him a VIP locker at checked. (geez – he is a past El Prez)
- Neil was nominated for taking 3 shots to get past the Ladies Tees.
- Tony nominated Jocko for going from Bunker to Bunker.
- Mike nominated Tony because it was not Jocko.
Tony was the popular winner. And the result for the day were:
