Scribe Report
Tasik Puteri
18th July 2012
“BALLS & SIGNALS…”
By Richard Rodwell
Scribes temporalis
A pleasant breeze played among the trees on the terrace outside the Tasik Puteri Golf & Country Club. It ruffled the palm trees and cooled the foreheads of the KLOGS Members, who, as is their custom of a 3rd Wednesday in the month, sat in the shade on plastic chairs eating a luncheon of rice and stale sandwiches, observing the natives hook and slice in the valley below.
Money was collected under the watchful eye of the VP, who together with El Pres, had presented himself in a fine red shirt – maybe setting the tone for what was to follow.
Birds cheeped, mosquitoes buzzed, phones rang and were answered – El Pres and VP seemed perplexed by the numbers – El Pres withdrew his mobile device, punched a few digits and sent a “SIGNAL” to the one missing, “confirmed” Klogger. More of that story later…
As the gong struck 1 the 3 flights pottered, like all KLOGS foursomes, with difficulty and confusion towards the first tee – narrowly missing the ceremonial mounting of buggies by a competitive (and I use that word loosely) Japanese group who we were fortunate to avoid for the rest of the afternoon. In the absence of incompetent marshals and a shot gun start that was endured previously in June – and to which Mr. Cousins had been particularly rattled – the Col. gracefully got things underway with a fine drive that shot through the air and came to rest 200 yards down the course, nestling just off line, 50 yards to the right of the fairway… magnificent!
The scoring that followed in the next four hours, on a remarkably cooling afternoon on a very pleasant – if not long Tasik Puteri course, can only be described as poor at best. Flights were seen zigzagging about on the fairways like a liner being pursued by submarines; others seemed to be digging for buried treasure, unless – it is too far off to be certain – they were simply killing snakes. Shouts of “Ball” (can’t local caddies be instructed on the proper use of “FORE”?) could be clearly heard sweeping the fairways.
However, one player was to rise above this all – John Preston has always been a careful rather than a dashing player (orange trousers aside) – indeed, I have had the pleasure of accompanying him for many a round. It is his custom, a sort of ritual, to take two measured practice-swings before addressing the ball, even on the putting-green. When he does address the ball he shuffles his feet for a moment or two, then pauses, and scans the horizon in a suspicious sort of way, as if he had been expecting it to play some sort of a trick on him when he was not looking. A careful inspection seems to convince him of the horizon’s bona fides, and he turns his attention to the ball again. He shuffles his feet once more, then raises his club. He waggles the club smartly over the ball three times, then lays it behind the white globe. At this point he suddenly peers at the horizon again, in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard. This done, he raises his club very slowly, brings it back very slowly till it almost touches the ball, raises it again, brings it down again, raises it once more, and brings it down for the third time. He then stands motionless, wrapped in thought, like some Indian fakir contemplating the infinite. Then he raises his club again and replaces it behind the ball. Finally he quivers all over, swings very slowly back, and drives the ball for about two hundred and fifty yards in a dead straight line. It is a method of procedure which proves sometimes a little exasperating to the highly strung, especially for those of us having a bad round – but, it appears to work for John, toady at least.
Our thanks are, of course, extended to the Club for their efficient registration arrangements and the preparation of the day’s results. Also, to our sponsors.
The scores gentlemen…
Turnout: 12 Members
Results & Novelties:
Details:
COTD:
Golf is a curious game – a game of fluctuations and usually leads to many a worthy nomination in the COTD category. Today only one is in need of mention – for his “SIGNALS” – this month’s accolade goes to none other than our very own El Pres.
Having read the introduction to this moths report – you may remember the confusion on confirmed numbers of members signed up for the July game… and El Pres’ “signal” sent via mobile telephone to Mr. Schobert.
Mr. Schobert, as we all know, spends his time divided between Asia and Europe. Having been absent for the previous Sunday game because he was in Switzerland fixing his mother’s car – and who (to be confirmed) declined the Klogs match as he felt that it may take some time to get parts – was called by El Pres (at 5am) to enquire why he was not present. For interrupting Mr. Schobert’s sleep and for miss-reading signals – there was never any other choice. C***.
And finally, a helpful little flow chart – you can find all varieties at www.winesdirect.com.my
